Okay since he took literally three of these in succession, I'm changing it up a bit.
Seventh Memory - After killing Daisya, thinking about losing his white side.What It Was - Here to page 17.
Basically, Ticky is taking a walk, thinking about how he's moving over to his black life for a bit, when OUT OF NO WHERE pops an exorcist \o/ IT'S LIKE IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY. Daisya (/Deesha, whatever you like) goes down pretty quickly, Ticky disintegrates his innocence and threads a large iron chain through Daisya's hands, stomach, thighs and feet to hang him upside down from a lamp post (it's pretty!). As he leaves, he thinks about how much he enjoys both of his lives, and while he knows one day he won't be able to return to his white side, he really doesn't want to lose either.
What He Learned:
-How he fights (Tease for offensive and defensive, making weapons/shields, firing rays, etc)
-How to disintegrate Innocence
-Killing exorcists/innocence is WAY more satisfying than killing people =|a
-What happens when you tie someone's stomach up with an iron chain
-'Flying'
-He lived double lives
-He liked BOTH
-He sort of knew he was crazy, or at least going toward something he eventually wouldn't be able to return from
Eight Memory - Watching the Earl buy flowers from a girlWhat It Is - This page.
Despite the simplicity of it, this is one of my favorite Ticky moments. The Earl, in his human form (Adam) chooses to do something so thoroughly ordinary as walk in the rain, and buy flowers from a young girl. Ticky is probably the only Noah who would recognize these actions as surprisingly human, even affectionate. The FACT that Ticky saw this, that he calls the Earl "a villain who has turned the world against him" and yet recognizes that he doesn't always look that role, and maybe doesn't completely fulfill it, is very... idk. It says a lot about Ticky's character and way of viewing the world.
I don't think there's much to say for what he 'learned'. It was just a sort of interesting introspective moment that had significance too him, but didn't teach him much beyond the fact that the Earl isn't any more just 'black' than Ticky is.
Ninth Memory - Stopping Rhode from saving him, letting Allen try to kill the NoahWhat It Is - From
Here to
here.
Despite being almost two chapters long, it's a moment that is probably less than two minutes. From just this memory, Ticky knows Allen broke out of, or blocked, or defeated some sort of attack of his. Ticky like 99% expected Allen to not be able to do that, (but isn't really upset that he managed...) and is really sort of... impressed? Overwhelmed? He's not above admitting Allen looked kind of cool there 8|a
Anyway, he goes back into battle, wondering why Allen fights so hard, and Allen's new weapon is able to cut through his Tease weapon in only a few blows. It passes through Ticky's body, and he thinks, briefly, that he's died. But finds he isn't injured! But he was hurt! And Allen explains his sword is to cut the Noah, and that what he's going to do is kill just the Noah (implying thus he will free/save/whathaveyou Ticky Mikk).
Ticky has a kind of a CRAZY SURGE, screams a bit, laughs a bit, and tells Allen he's naive to think he can kill the Noah. YET, when Rhode goes to save Ticky, and she is CLEARLY ABLE TO, Ticky tells her to stop, and he let's Allen stab him through the heart and thus 'kill' the Noah.
NOW. I WOULD LIKE TO DISCUSS THIS, as I have dwelled ENDLESSLY on what exactly this means.
We don't know what Ticky was thinking there, (I LIKE that). Is this a form of redemption? Or is it just that Ticky is a person who gives up easily? Or does he have a sort of nobility that forces him to acknowledge such a loss? He told Allen there would be no cheating, and being saved by Rhode would likely count as that.
In the anime, they un-mystify this moment, by showing us Ticky's thought process. I LIKE how they did it, since I feel it was entirely in character. But effectively Ticky reflects on both of his lives, says that he enjoys having both, but if there was only one... wouldn't it be easier? Then he thinks... nah, it would probably just be boring. IMO, this is BASICALLY the perfect representation of Ticky's thoughts on his lives, and on redemption. He DOES enjoy both lives, just one probably would be boring. And more importantly, whether he wants to be saved or not, he certainly can't admit it. There is no room in him for regret, or guilt, or for the hope of just being a regular human again. So, in the anime, he gives up and lets Allen try to kill his Noah, all while staying on the line of "I don't even really want this" so that he never rejects what he has now, so that he never hopes to be free.
Do I know if that's REALLY was meant by the manga scene? No. But it's one of my favorite possibilities.
Anyway, since I need to decide what Ticky was thinking for the purpose of him remembering this? I believe it was a similarly ambiguous thought. He never DECIDED he wanted to be free. He never DECIDED to put his hopes in Allen Walker. He never DECIDED his black life was bad news. Because for all Ticky is basically the Noah of Choice, he refuses to choose between his black and white life.
But, he did decide to stop Rhode. And I imagine that was a plethora of feelings there. On one level, yes, acknowledging his loss. On another, less of a "Allen Walker, save me" and more of a "let's settle this score". He may have been hoping somewhere inside himself that Allen WOULD kill the Noah. But I think he knew, intellectually, that it wouldn't work. That Allen would do nothing more than piss it off. He laughed at Allen's desire to save him and called him naive, and it WAS naive, because Allen, whose Noah isn't constantly stomping around his brain, probably didn't have the slightest fucking clue what he was getting into when he decided to 'save' Ticky. And in that light, it's really kind of funny.
ANYWAY
What He Learned:
-Allen's sword arm and what it looks like
-What it feels like when your NOAH AWAKENS ow his sanity
-Allen Walker has always been naively trying to save him
-What Rhode looks like
-That he honestly cares for her
-Rough idea of what the Ark is
What All Of These Did -Oooh kay. In individual succession, the first memory made him a bit unhinged and sadist, the second made him a little more comfortable with his Noah family, and the last awakened his Noah and sent him straight to crazyville.
In reaction to the third memory, he starts to really LOSE IT and threatens to kill Allen, and he REALLY WOULD HAVE if Allen hadn't left. Ticky's opinion on Allen currently is waaay different than it is in canon when that memory takes place. He loves Allen, is
in love with Allen. He doesn't trust him implicitly, but does believe in him, and doesn't want to hurt Allen more as a decision than because he's still capable of being repulsed by the idea. YET in that moment of the Noah awakening, it's upset at being struck, Ticky's upset at Allen's attempt to save him, the failure, the disappointment that he won't recognize feeling, the insult of the loss, the frustration of ALL of it, really just threw him over the edge for a while.
Luckily, he's Ticky, and he always recovers his stability back. When Allen ran and River gave him some space, Ticky spent hoooooours just sitting there, having feelings and thoughts and sort of roiling unhealthily until it gradually died down.
Afterward he was just... really tired, in a way. He wasn't mad at Allen for the things they had been fighting over any more. He wasn't mad about the memory, or crazy obsessed with wanting to kill Allen.
In the end, Ticky is now a lot more centered on Pleasure. He still doesn't know he's the Noah of Pleasure, but he has figured out that all his Noah really wants is to feel good. That is the common denominator in everything it encourages him to do. Yes, it makes him like killing. But his friendships, company, his family, remembering himself, sex, smoking. It's all just... more compelling.
Which is why he got pretty upset for a few conversations afterward, when he tried to get his boyfriend relationship with Allen back and was denied. He really ENJOYED that and it is gone and the pleasure of it is gone and it was important. To him it's not different than losing an aspect of his white life, something he worked very hard to avoid. Currently, he bounces between trying to get it back and not. But after arguing with a drunk Allen and being basically told that they couldn't have that kind of relationship any more because Allen doesn't trust him, he decided to preserve what he has left (he will ultimately start pushing for more again, because he's Ticky, but he's getting better about it?)
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